


I Dream of a Life Worth Living

by Cerillen



Series: What is Your Life Like? [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: And nobody really wanted, But I'm writing it anyways, Gen, It's the 'What if' scenario nobody asked for, because i'm a monster
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-06-06 07:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15189821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cerillen/pseuds/Cerillen
Summary: Sometimes, a single decision can change a life completely.





	1. Chapter 1

Patton was lying in a clearing, looking up at the most beautiful sky he'd ever seen.

The sound of a waterfall and leaves being moved by a gentle breeze soothed him like a lullaby.

He'd never felt as peaceful as he did in that moment.

"Hey, Patty?"

The moral side smiled instinctively at the voice coming from somewhere outside of his vision.

"Yeah, V̸͉̳̰̹͖̘̦̓̂́͑̅͜i̶̢̛̘̥͈̱̤̤̅̅̄̾r̶̹̟̥̻͚̹̊̉̐̑̐͌͋g̴̝̹͙̯̻̩̠͐̅̊̿͘͜i̸̭̲̰͖͒͋͑̐͒l̶̪͉͇͑͆̿͂̋̓͜͝͝ ?"

There was a moment of quiet.

Then the voice returned.

And It's words made Patton go cold.

"Would you care if I disappeared?"

* * *

**"GAH!"**

Patton flailed with a shout, his sheets and some of his pillows going flying from the violent gesture.

He took heaving breathes as he stilled and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart.

It was difficult to do by himself though.

Usually V̸̺̰̲̟̱̲̥̲̍͌̄͘͘ͅi̶̡̩͔̯̹͆́͌̚͜r̴͍̩̍̅̎͂̚̕͝ĝ̶̢̫̯̳̫̖i̴̞̹̙̭̺͆̎͘͜͝l̴̮̅͑͌̽̈̊̑̚ͅ would-

He gasped.

That...

That thought didn't make any sense.

He rarely had nightmares.

And, whenever he did, he always just calmed down by himself.

That's how it had **always** been.

The moral side let out a shaky sigh.

A hand reached up and covered his mouth.

He looked up at the tiny glow in the dark stars on his ceiling.

Logan hated those stars because they didn't match any actual star configurations.

Roman didn't understand why he didn't make any actual shapes with them.

And Patton himself...

He wasn't really sure why he wanted them.

It was because of his dreams, he knew.

But those dreams, as pleasant as they started out, were never really good.

He shouldn't want them to transfer into real life somehow.

But he did.

For a reason he couldn't truly comprehend, Patton was attached to those dreams.

And the starry sky that was always in them.

It had taken him four days to get all of the glow stars in the right configuration.

But it was never completely accurate.

In fact...

He stood now, on his bed with shaky legs, and reached up to them.

He'd noticed some differences again.

Carefully, he pulled a few of the stars down.

They came off of the ceiling easily.

With a twitch of his hand, the glue on each star was renewed before he put them all up in their new locations.

Then, when he was satisfied with their placement, he fell back onto his bed.

It was important.

The starry sky from his dreams.

He didn't know why.

But it was.

Suddenly, there was a soft knock on his door and Patton startled.

"Hey, Padre? Are you awake?"

_'Hey, Patty?'_

The father figure shivered.

"Yeah, Ro. I'm up. I'll be down in a bit."

"Oh! Excellent! I'll see you soon then!"

And Roman left with the sound of, almost violently loud, footsteps fading down the hall.

Patton sighed and dragged a hand down his face.

He hated it when the others tried to wake him up.

They always did it in the worst way possible and it always left him in the worst of moods.

It was better if V̷̯̙̆̐̽̌́̐͐͐͠i̶̧̧̟̺͕̮͚̠̰̮͂̔̌͗͊̊͘͜͝r̴̫̒̌̕ģ̷͈̖͙̠̹͌̆͝į̶̙͈̝͖̣̍͗̔͂̓l̶̲̹̖͋͛͠ -

There was a hole in his wall and his hand hurt.

"ow..."

He pulled his hand, gently, from the hole in the wall, and cradled it to his chest with a hiss.

He hadn't meant to do that.

The moral side took a deep breath and sighed again.

This was getting ridiculous.

Maybe he should just talk to Roman about the dreams.

They were obviously starting to get to him.

It would probably be better if he had the creative side get rid of them.

Seriously, it was for the best.

_'Would you care if I disappeared?'_

His jaw clenched.

Then he slid off of his bed, sat down on the floor, and pulled a first aid kit out from under his bed.

Just a little longer.

He could handle the dream for just a little longer.

He'd been dealing with them for years now, just fine.

The others didn't need to get involved.

It was fine.

So long as he continued to believe that, he'd be fine.

 


	2. Chapter 2

Patton's day went as it always did.

He ate breakfast with the others, spent some time working, and spent his free time watching netflix.

Then a meeting was held to decide on what Thomas would work on next.

And they were having trouble with a decision.

"I don't understand why you're **against** it! It's not like we'll be there **long!** It's not even that **dangerous!** **We** will be there with him and Thomas will be **fine!** "

"You don't know that Roman. What if something happens?"

"Yes. In fact, the likelihood of something bad occurring while Thomas is there is-"

"Enough with your stupid **statistics** , calculator watch! It's a good video idea so **I** think we should do it. Don't you agree, Thomas?"

"Well..."

Patton sighed and rubbed a little at his neck.

This argument had been going on for quite some time now and it really didn't seem like Roman was going to let up anytime soon.

He glanced over to the staircase and straightened up as he came to a decision.

They couldn't convince Roman to let go of his idea but they also couldn't let his idea go through.

So now it was time to pull out 'the big guns'.

Or 'the big **gun** ', so to speak.

"Maybe we should see what Anxiety thinks."

Roman twitched at the name and scowled.

"What?! No!"

Logan sighed, seemingly in relief, and nodded.

"Yes, I believe it may be wise to consult him on this. As handling dangerous situations is his specialty."

Roman stomped a foot.

"NO! I refuse to talk to that **insufferable** -"

"You called?"

Roman's scream made most of the room's inhabitants cover their ears while the side standing behind him snorted.

Patton smiled at the new arrival, though it was a little uncertain.

"Hey, Kiddo. Nice to see you again. It's been a while..."

His voice trailed off near the end as the darker side gazed at him coldly.

But then Anxiety gave him a slightly empty smile back.

"Hey, Morality. Logic, Thomas, Sir-Shouts-a-Lot."

He gave a nod with each name before turning to face the moral side once again, pointedly ignoring the angry Prince spluttering beside him.

"What's up? Why'd you summon me?"

Logan cleared his throat to gain his attention as he explained.

"Roman believes it to be a good idea for Thomas to explore a recently abandoned building nearby for the sake of filming some videos within it. However, we believe that doing such a thing would be too dangerous. As it is your job to prevent Thomas from entering dangerous situations, we thought it best to consult you on the matter."

Anxiety nodded at the end of the explanation.

"Good. Cus' there's no way I'm letting Thomas do something like that."

"OH, YOU ARE JUST **INFURIATING!** "

Roman's shout made the others jump a little, but Anxiety remained completely unaffected.

"YOU'RE **ONLY** SAYING THAT BECAUSE IT WAS **MY** IDEA! YOU **ALWAYS** JUST WANT TO **RUIN** MY IDEAS AND KEEP THOMAS FROM DOING THE THINGS **I** WANT HIM TO DO!"

"No, I don't.

"OH?! **REALLY?!** THEN WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME WITH THE **ICE CREAM TRUCK?!** "

"He would have been run over by another car, moron. Of course I wasn't gonna let him run after it with you."

"THEN WHAT ABOUT THE TIME AT THE **STORE?!** WITH THE **EGGS?!** "

"It was gonna be a waste of money and time."

"WE WERE GOING TO MAKE A **CAKE!** "

"Yeah, while Morality was sick."

"WE WERE MAKING IT **FOR** PATTON!"

"But you can't cook and Thomas can't bake for shit! If you'd tried you both would've just ended up getting distracted!"

"SO?!"

"You would have set the oven on fire!"

"WE **WOULD** HAVE BEEN FINE!"

"YOU **WOULD** HAVE GOTTEN THOMAS **KILLED!** "

"THIS IS RIDICULOUS!"

Roman turned swiftly towards Thomas and away from the other side he'd been confronting.

"Thomas. What do **you** think? **Surely** , you must see how good of an idea this is? And I'm also quite confident that I can keep you **completely** safe, should anything even **remotely** dangerous occur while we work. So you have **nothing** to fear."

Thomas twitched back a little and looked rapidly between the sides.

"Um, well...I-"

_**"No."** _

A collective shiver went through everyone's spines and Anxiety took a menacing step closer to his host.

"This is a **stupid** idea and I'm not letting you do it."

Roman took his own step closer to the other side.

"You can't-"

"I **can** and I **will**. Besides, Thomas is scared of abandoned buildings. Right, Thomas?"

His gaze turned sharply back from Roman to the host and Thomas flinched violently at the sharpness in it.

"I..."

Anxiety's eyes glowed a little and the room suddenly grew darker than before, the shadows nearby seeming to move like something alive was hiding within them.

_**"You're scared, right?"** _

Thomas felt his heart seize and tears prickled at the corners of his eyes from the raw fear that was suddenly pushing against him, making him see flashes of horrific scenes and terrible situations that could happen within an abandoned building.

"Yes."

Then the fear quickly dissipated and the room brightened once again.

And it was like nothing had even happened in the first place.

"There, see? Thomas doesn't wanna do it and everyone else agrees that this was a shit idea. So drop it and think of something else."

Anxiety turned to walk away from them all, his task now completed and point made, but was stopped by Roman grabbing his arm to keep him in place.

"No! You can't **trick** me you **monster!** That wasn't what Thomas **meant** and you **know** it! He's not **afraid** of abandoned buildings! He's **afraid** of **you!** "

Then the anxious side growled and moved faster than the others could track as he pulled the creative side forward and held him up by his shirt collar.

"Good."

He snarled into the other's face and bared his fanged teeth at him.

_**"You should be too."** _

"ANXIETY!"

Patton's voice made his glowing violet eyes turn away from the shaking side in his grasp.

They looked into each other's eyes for a moment before the moral side took an unsteady breath and reached a hand out.

"Please stop."

An expression Patton couldn't quite place passed through Anxiety's eyes for a split second, before he blinked and dropped Roman with a sigh.

"Fine. Whatever. I made my point so I'm done here. I'll be in my room if you need me."

He walked away from everyone with a mock salute.

"Try not to need me."

And disappeared up the stairs.

The sound of a door closing filled the silence that had descended upon his exit and the others all kept their eyes away from each other.

Then Roman sniffed and wiped quickly at his eyes as he stood.

"I'm going back to my room to think of another idea."

And Logan sighed as he sank away.

"I suppose we should have expected something like that."

Patton sighed as well and nodded sadly.

"Yeah..."

Then Thomas sniffed as well and the two sides turned to the host.

"Are you okay, Kiddo? Anxiety was being a bit rougher than usual today..."

Thomas surprised them by laughing a little in response.

"Oh, no. It's fine. I know he's just trying to look out for me, in his own scary kind of way. And he wasn't wrong. I was a little scared of going along with Roman's idea. I'm actually kind of glad he stepped in when he did. I probably wouldn't have been able to say no otherwise."

Patton and Logan shared a quick surprised look between them before looking back at Thomas.

"So, you **weren't** actually scared of Anxiety?"

The host blinked and looked up at them with his own surprise.

"What? Of course not. I mean, yeah, he can be pretty terrifying most of the time..."

Then Thomas smiled and Patton felt his heart ache just a little bit.

"...but he'd never hurt me. Not really. He wouldn't have hurt Roman either. I'm pretty sure he just wanted to scare him a little bit."

And Thomas laughed again and Patton just wanted to disappear when the next words came out of his host's mouth.

"You guys should have more faith in him sometimes."

"Yes, well."

Logan readjusted his glasses before putting his hands behind his back.

"Regardless of everything that just happened, it's gotten quite late and I believe it would be a wise decision for all of us to prepare for bed now. Especially, you, Thomas. You have a busy day with your friends tomorrow and it would be better for you to be well-rested for it."

The host nodded and stood up from the couch with a stretch.

"Yeah, good point, Logan. Guess it's time for me to head out. Goodnight, guys. I'll see you tomorrow."

"Goodnight, Thomas."

"Night, Kiddo."

And, with a wave that the two sides returned, Thomas sank out of the Mindscape and back into the real world.

"Patton?"

The moral side jumped at the call of his name and turned to face Logan's concerned expression.

"Is everything alright?"

Patton blinked.

_'No.'_

Then he smiled.

_'It's **not** alright.'_

"Of course, Lo. I'm fine!"

_' **Nothing** is alright.'_

"Well, if your sure..."

_'I hate this.'_

"Yup! I'm just..."

A peach appeared in his hand and he held it up with a grin.

"...peachy!"

_' **All** of this.'_

Logan groaned and waved a a hand at him as he started to sink away as well.

"Right, of course. Goodnight then, Patton."

_'It's **never** been alright.'_

"Night, Lo! Sleep tight!"

_'And it's all because of me.'_

Patton's smile wavered as the peach dissipated and his hand fell to his side.

_'It's **all** my fault.'_

He hiccuped a little but kept smiling, even as tears started to drip down his cheeks.

_'I'm sorry.'_

Then he sank into his bedroom and finally let out a sob as he curled up onto the ground next to his bed.

_'I'm so sorry, Anxiety.'_

Memories of a night long ago flashed though his mind. 

_'I should have tried harder.'_

Soft and scared violet eyes alongside the feeling of strong arms wrapped gently around him.

_'I should have tried harder to help you.'_

A laugh that boomed like thunder and made him want to smile.

_'I should have done something.'_

A hopeless expression that he only made worse with his words.

_'I should have done better.'_

A vision of black-stained tears falling from pained violet eyes made him cover his own now as he sobbed hard enough for it to hurt.

_'I'm sorry.'_


End file.
